Self-care means having healthy boundaries
Make it stand out
Self-care is about tending to the needs of your body and mind. This can include basic physical needs such as getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and practicing mindfulness. Due to multiple demands on our time, self-care is often the first thing to be sacrificed. Surprisingly, good self-care starts with setting healthy boundaries at home and work.
When it comes to learning self-care, we often have to take a good look at our energy leaks. Think about the overstressed parent tending to work, home, and family needs, repeatedly postponing their own needs until well past burnout. Consider for a moment what parts of life siphon most of your energy.
The really cool thing about growing self-care is that it is literally a growth process. Learning self-care involves discovering your own values, not just those that you've been told to believe. Like any growth process, it is not always easy, can be tough at times, but is very much worth it.
Why is setting boundaries (and self-care) so hard? For many reasons, we sometimes adopt a belief that in order to be of value to others, we must always be available, helpful, friendly, busy, productive, and the list goes on. Putting our needs first confronts false beliefs head-on, often causing stress and anxiety. Ugh!
But all hope is not lost! Many people have been in that place of overwhelm and fatigue and have been able to learn healthy boundaries and practice self-care. Like many good things in life, it requires hard work, taking small steps, and consistent effort. Here are a few of my favorite tips for learning and growing in self-care.
Self-Compassion Always. Doing something you haven't done before is scary, setting boundaries especially so. Practice positive self-talk as much as possible. You are doing a tough, brave thing.
Identify your values and priorities. What is important to you? What are your non-negotiables? Knowing what you stand for and want in life is critical to setting boundaries.
Start Small. You are not trying to change your life overnight. Choose a small goal that is realistic.
Patience. Growing in self-care is hard work. Friends, family, and coworkers may bristle when you stop putting their needs first. Though extremely stressful, it is expected. They have come to expect you to tend to their needs without any thought of your own, and now you are changing the script, probably without warning. I like to think of this as growing pains, both for you and others. They will adapt to your new boundary. It is important for you to be consistent in any boundary you set. Sometimes it can help to have someone to talk to about this.
When we prioritize our own needs, we become better equipped to show up for others and serve them in a meaningful way. It can be difficult to set healthy boundaries, but it is worth it. You may notice greater self-confidence and resilience as you grow in your self-care practice.
Take time to check in with yourself and explore what self-care needs may be showing up. Identify one small step you can take today to move in that direction. Then commit to doing that several times this week.
